Here's What You Need To Order From The McDonald's "Secret Menu"

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I’m fond of two things in life: McDonald’s and cheating the system.

Okay, so in reality I’m fond of plenty more things than meaty, carby goodness and manipulation but the point still stands that I’m more than okay in indulging in both. Considering this, I was over the McMoon to discover that there’s a way to cheat the normal McDonald’s menu and come up with some pretty unorthodox creations.

It turns out you can coddle your fast-food curiosity with the McDonald’s Secret Menu – a range of Maccies “hacks” that allows you to get items that aren’t listed as standard offerings.

We at The Hook thought we would give our arteries and general health a good test drive and try out these Maccies hacks. Not only have we assembled the Secret Menu items, but we’ve also evaluated and rated them.

So if you’re starting to tire of eating the same old McNuggets and Chicken Legends, why not attempt these tasty delights.

Big McChicken

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Ingredients: Two beef patties, a chicken fillet, and cheese sandwiched between two other chicken fillets.

Products needed: Three McChicken Sandwiches and a Big Mac.

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Modelled on KFC’s Double Down burger, which created quite a storm when it arrived for a limited time only this Autumn, the McDonald’s Secret Menu Big McChicken was a sight to behold. The golden chicken fillets winking on the outside looked like someone who had just been caught in the middle of getting dressed. Their brazen nakedness was clearly missing the bready modesty that a burger bun would have offered.

I was perhaps prejudice though. The idea of replacing bread with chicken is not one that sits right with me. Sandwiches, burgers, paninis and the likes should always always contain some form of bread-like variety on the outside to hold the whole thing together.

However, upon taste testing this meaty madness was not bad. While I was sceptical of KFC’s Double Down burger due to the fact that it had no carb, the replacement of chicken instead of bread in McDonald’s version added another texture layer. The crisp batter was, in some ways, superior to a soggy and limp burger bun.

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Even so, the Big McChicken contained a lot of meat. A lot of meat. It’s been about an hour or so since I finished the Big McChicken and I’m still sweating uncomfortably from the feat.

Is it normal or necessary to consume three chicken fillets and two beef patties all in one burger? Probably not.

Rating: 7/10

McGangBang

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Ingredients: Two beef patties, cheese, a chicken fillet, and three slices of bun.

Products needed: A Big Mac and a McChicken Sandwich

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If you’re making your way home from a big night out, there’s not much that can compete with a Big Mac. It provides everything necessary to ward off any potential hangover: two beef patties, three slices of bun, cheese, salad, and pickles. That extra piece of bread really does work wonders for the intoxicated.

Appropriately (or inappropriately) named the McGangBang, this Maccies Secret Menu hack pimped up the usual brilliant Big Mac with an added chicken fillet. Surely this could only be a good thing?

And it was, it was a good thing. I fully enjoyed the McGangBang as much as any meat-eating enthusiast would. It was hearty, indulgent, and would no doubt play its role in preventing the mother of all hangovers.

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The only problem was that it didn’t taste too different from a normal Big Mac, which is fine considering that Big Macs are heavenly but it kind of cancelled out the point of the chicken fillet.

What was the benefit of adding an extra piece of chicken (and paying £2.99) when the McGangBang didn’t really differentiate from a standard Big Mac. The chicken fillet just got lost in-between all the layers of beef patty.

Rating: 8/10

Grilled Cheese

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Ingredients: A single piece of grilled cheese (probably welded to a beef patty)

Products needed: A Cheeseburger

Sometimes we get preoccupied with what we can do as opposed to what we should do. While we can have a simple slice of grilled cheese from McDonald’s, does that mean we should do it?

This McDonald’s Secret Menu addition requires a bit of work, and it’s not exactly recommendable.

After working on the Cheeseburger for a good few minutes trying to sluice away the intensely yellow dairy from the beef patty I came to the conclusion that it’s pretty much impossible to accomplish without the cheese coming off in lumps of disintegrated sticky mush.

Plus, we all know that the cheese isn’t the real reason we go to Maccies. While it’s a welcome accompaniment to other burgers (the Big Mac or Quarter Pounder with Cheese), it doesn’t really taste of much by itself. Just a bit of plasticy yellowness really – or, at least, that’s what I’d assume since I never actually managed to separate the bastard from its beef playmate.

Rating: 2/10

The Monster Mac

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Ingredients: Eight beef patties, cheese, and three pieces of bun.

Products needed: Four Big Macs

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“How on earth am I going to get my mouth around this one?” is perhaps what a girl with less ambition than me would have thought when coming face-to-face with The Monster Mac. Luckily, I know what my inebriated self is capable of and so was confident that I’d be able to channel some of my inner drunk determination in order to successfully get my gob around this mammoth creation.

So preoccupied was I with the challenge of making my teeth meet at the other end that I was somewhat let down when they simply slid through layer upon layer (upon layer, upon layer, upon layer, upon layer, upon layer, upon layer – there are eight patties, remember) of beef.

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While the eight beef patties were broken up in the middle by a bun, there just wasn’t enough texture variation to the creation. It was just a worse version of a Big Mac with 4x the amount of calories.

I finished The Monster Mac with an unattractive meaty pink flush to my cheeks and a sense of disappointment.

Rating: 5/10

The Land, Sea and Air Burger

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Ingredients: A beef patty, a chicken fillet, a fish fillet, and three bun slices.

Products needed: A McChicken Sandwich, a Double Cheeseburger, and a Fillet-O-Fish

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I have to admit this was the creation that I was least looking forward to. I was well aware of the rumours regarding the McDonald’s Fillet–O-Fish (the fact that you should never order one without requesting a fresh fillet) and I wasn’t too sure that my companion had followed those vital rules when picking up the Maccies.

That being said, I was encouraged by the name of this McDonald’s creation as it reminded me of the categories at Loch Fyne restaurants – which, for those unaware, are a pretty decent chain of seafood eateries.

The Land was presumably the beef patty, the Sea the Fillet-O-Fish, and the Air was no doubt the chicken – disregarding the fact that chickens can’t actually fly (we’ve all seen Chicken Run).

After assembling the chicken, fish fillet and burger patty on top of each other I surveyed the creation with dismay, went against my best judgement and took a bite.

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Thankfully, I was pleasantly surprised. I would even go to say that this was my favourite McDonald’s Secret Menu addition. All the components of The Land, Sea and Air Burger worked in perfect harmony, with the tartare sauce from the Fillet-O-Fish offering a slightly more unusual, and sophisticated, flavour to the normal sauces at McDonald’s.

Although doubts still remained in my mind over the safety of the fish fillet, I was able to finish the creation satisfied that I had consumed some kind of living creature from three of the world’s vital elements (land, sea, and air).

Rating: 9/10

McNugget Pickle

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Ingredients: McNugget chicken batter, and a collection of pickles.

Products needed: A Big Mac and McNuggets.

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While some people turn up their noses at the pickles sprinkled over many a McDonald’s creation, I really enjoy them. Their tart sourness and green colouring lends an important taste and colour contrast to the other salty and beige elements in many of the meals.

Even so, when faced with the McNugget Pickle I was somewhat distressed. Well, perhaps distressed is too strong a word but I certainly wasn’t pleased. After using my nails to dig off the batter surrounding the McNuggets (it wasn’t easy, let me tell you) I then had to gingerly place them around a rather slimy greeny-grey disc of pickle.

The taste wasn’t much better than the appearance. Although McNugget batter is delicious it simply did not work in tandem with the pickle. Also, stripped from the meaty additions of chicken or beef, the pickle lost its charm. It was no longer a sparkling of green pizazz in and amongst the beige-ness but a watery, limp sustenance that clung unnervingly to my teeth.

At the end of the creation, there was grease and pickle juice on my hands and an unsettled feeling in my stomach.

I suppose an upside to the whole thing was that consuming the McNugget Pickle only took about two bites.

Rating: 3/10

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My time tasting the McDonald’s Secret Menu was an enjoyable one. I mean, who wouldn’t relish making their way through countless carby delights all in the name of work?

High points included The Land Sea and Air Burger, perhaps due to the fact that it completely took me off guard. Who would have thought that a creation including beef, chicken, and the unorthodox (and potentially dodge) fish fillet would be such a success with my taste buds.

The lows, however, were pretty savage. While I have the satisfaction of having just consumed seven McDonald’s meals, I also have the sweats and nausea of having just consumed seven McDonald’s meals. My cheeks are flushed, my fingers and lips are greasy and I’m wondering how I’m going to explain to my vegetarian dad and vegetarian housemates that I’ve consumed enough dead animal to fill London Zoo.

Plus, it’s really not easy assembling many of these hacks, and some (the Grilled Cheese and the McNugget Pickle in particular) simply did not pay off.

Even so, would I do it all again? Probably.

Will you try these hacks? Let us know in the comments. 

Images via GIPHY / iStock

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